. . . on the living room couch . . .

. . . on the other living room couch . . .

. . . on the guest bed (usually with the guest) . . .

. . . on the office couch . . .

. . . on the other bed . . .

. . . in the bed . . .

. . . and, occasionally, on the floor (on Fultons' Futons, bathrobes, and whatever else she can pull down off the bed!).

I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep under it.
-- Shirley Conran

Perhaps the happiest household which I ever had the honor of being admitted to was one where it was sometimes a little difficult to find a comfortable vacant chair; the dogs always took the armchairs.
-- Henry T. Merwin

Perhaps the final test of anybody's love of dogs is willingness to permit them to make a camping ground of the bed. There is no other place in the world that suits the dogs quite so well.
-- Henry T. Merwin

Bed is the perfect climate.
-- Noel Coward

The amount of sleep required by the average [dog] is about five minutes more.
-- Max Kauffmann

DOG RULES NUMBER 1

1.  The dog is not allowed in the house.
2.  Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3.  The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4.  The dog can get on the old furniture only.
5.  Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6.  Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7.  The dog can sleep on the bed whenever she wants, but not under the covers.
8.  The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only.
9.  The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
10.  Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

BED HOG EXTRAORDINAIRE (BHE)

As president of the Bed Hog Extraordinaire Club, I, Pepsi, bring forth this Dogifesto:
We, the doggies who are Bed Hogs Extraordinaires, pledge to uphold the following principles and dogjectives:
1) to take up more space in a bed than is caninely possible. The smaller the bed, the bigger we are.
2) to pull all the blankets off our hoomins so that they freeze and need to snuggle us more for warmth (and thus we get 'ttentions).
3) to deny coveted sleeping positions to c*ts (so that they don't steal 'ttentions).
4) to attempt to sleep on top of our hoomins.
5) to slide down the sides of our hoomins, having failed Dogjective 4,but still achieving Dogjective 2.
6) to scratch in the middle of the night, jingling our collar tags so vigorously that our hoomins dream of flying across the night sky in Santa's sleigh.
7) to bring every single disgusting, slimy, and above all, smelly hoofie and pig's ear and toy to bed with us, using them to fragrance the hoomins' pillows to make them smell better.
8) to make a lot of noise upholding Dogjective 3.
9) to make "uh-oh-I'm-gonna-barf" noises at least four times each night, thus having the hoomins wake up in a blind panic during which we doggies get lots of 'ttentions.
10) to push and shove our hoomins so that they are either on the very edge of the bed, or else smooshed up against the wall, or relegate them to a 4"x4" corner, so that we, the Bed Hogs Extraordinaires, occupy the vast majority of the bed.

-- Pepsi McLean

Thanks to Dave Barrett for finding the BHE Dogifesto and sharing it with us.

Added by Angus Gilbraith, Scottie BHE:
11) No matter how many empty beds are in the house, the only bed that shall be inhabited by the canine(s) is the one also inhabited by the hoomin.

Added by Oscar Walker, Airedale BHE:
12) If the hoomin decides to read in bed too late, move around a lot, humph and look disgustedly over your shoulder. They will usually give it up, shut off off the lamp, and you can finally get some sleep.

Added by Schultz Mutt BHE from Australia:
13) If the need arises to visit your water dish during the night (because you've overheated sleeping under the covers), leave quickly out the bottom of the bed dragging the doona/duvet to the floor as you go before they realize what's happened!
14) If your hoomins are trying to prove their strength of character by denying bed rights, be advised that their resistance is non-existent at 4 am.
15) If your hoomin has bad morning breath put your paw over your nose, then your other paw, groan loudly and bury your head in the pillows. Sensitive hoomins will get up and brush their teeth before patting you.

Added by Denver McLaura, Scottie BHE:
But, Pepsi forgot the important ritual of burying a few bites of food underneath our hoomin's pillows for our midnight snacks . . . .

DOG RULES NUMBER 2

11.  The dog cannot eat people food.
12.  Okay, the dog can sometimes eat people food, but only as small snacks.
13.  The dog can also eat people food in large snacks on occasion, but not every day.
14.  Fine, the dog can eat large helpings of people food if the dog waits until the people are finished with their meal.
15.  Dogs get served first.

DOG RULES NUMBER 3

16.  The dog must stay in the house or fenced in yard.
17.   The dog may occasionally go for a car ride, but only when invited.
18.  Okay, the dog can ride in the car every Wednesday to get her treat from the nice bank people.
19.  The dog can ride in the car whenever people forget to pick up their car keys quietly.
20.  Fine, dogs become self-appointed guardians of the back door leading to the garage.
21.  Dogs decide which humans will accompany them on car trips.

Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. -- Dave Barry

Anim

dogs have joined Misha (@RB), April, Cari & Rico on the couch (where else?) since 16 AUGUST 1996. We hope you all were comfy!!

Please stop and leave a message on the

Be sure to include your dog(s)' name(s)!!

INTRODUCING MISHA (@RB), APRIL, CARI & RICO

Remember to bring along your virtual pooper-scooper!

These Pages Constructed by